Saturday, April 17, 2010

Dogs and Golf Part II: Can they really be considered elite athletes?

Below you can read Part I of this series. The first thing that's really been burning me up lately is dogs. The second thing is game of golf.

I know that many people play golf. Men and women, young and old, middle class, upper class, not so much lower class. Many businessmen play golf with potential clients. Many older men play to relax and get some peace and quiet. Many women play because they are good at it and its enjoyable. That is all fine. But as I think about all these people that play golf, are they really considered athletes? Is what they're doing really considered a sport? Is it really an athletic endeavor? I turned on my TV to ESPN last weekend just to see what was on and unfortunately they had golf on for the next several hours. It was the Masters tournament. The guys that compete in the Masters are the best in the world. They are called elite athletes. As I looked at these guys for a few moments before changing the channel I noticed something. Almost all them looked out of shape. They had protruding, pot-belly guts, moobs (that's man-boobs for those that don't know), they walked like ducks, and they had a defeated looking, sulking stature. Does this fit the description of an elite athlete? At the time there was a 60 year old in the top five of the tournament standings. A 60 year old. Can a guy that's 60 years old truly be one of the best at something that is considered an athletic endeavor? Is this honestly a sport if a 60 year old is competitive against 25 year old's? I watched for a few more moments. Here's what a physical task golf is. A guy hits his golf ball. Then he gets in a cart and rides to wherever his ball landed. If its a short distance and he walks, someone else carries his clubs. And these are the professionals. Can this really be in the same category as football, basketball, baseball, soccer, hockey, tennis, or even marching band? I was in marching band and I can tell you that there is far more energy expended doing that than there is in playing golf.

Tiger Woods was named the Athlete of the Decade for 2000-2009. He was by far the best golfer of the decade and he is an extraordinary athlete. But playing golf is not what make him a great athlete. The way he trains does. He would probably be great in any sport if he chose to focus on that from an early age. He physically works his body the way elite athletes are supposed to. But do you know why he's so dominant at the game of golf? Because he's competing against fat guys, slow guys, guys who eat too much fried food, guys who are sedentary when they're not hitting golf balls, guys who have man boobs, and 60 year old's! Can someone really be the greatest athlete across an entire decade when this is his competition? The guy who won the Masters this year, by the way, Phil Mickelson, seems like a really nice guy. And he's had to persevere through his wife being diagnosed with breast cancer. Congratulations to him for winning this year's Masters. I respect him as a person. But he looks like he's about ten years removed from being in really good physical shape (see photo below). And there are other professionals in far worse shape. Its clear that being in top notch physical condition is not a requirement for being good golfer. This makes the game of golf different from almost everything else that is considered a sport (the exception is Nascar, don't even get me started on that).

I don't mind that a lot of people play golf. I have no problem with how much they enjoy it. But let's stop kidding ourselves. Stop calling it a sport. Stop calling the people that play it athletes. And please stop calling the professional golfers elite athletes! It's a skill, but not a sport. And on the continuum of things that are athletic endeavors its somewhere in between watering the azaleas and checking the mail.

Dogs and Golf Part I: Perros = Los Diablos

I've been burning on a couple of things lately. This might make some folks mad because they are two things that many people enjoy. Some people make both a significant part of their lives. But I don't care because each has really been burning me up lately.

I'll start with dogs. There are some good dogs out there. The kind that live outside, provide some quiet companionship, and maybe even keep intruders away. I don't mind this kind of dog too much, but its another kind of dog that I do mind, one that has become all too common for the American family. Its those little dogs that live inside, have a high pitched squeal of a bark, and become the center of attention at any social gathering. The kind that are about the size of a brick or two. They resemble a furry brick with four legs and a snout. I digress. Anyway, my neighbors have a dog like this. Every time I walk into or out of my apartment I hear this incessant high pitched yip yip yip followed by its owners shouting, "Boss! Stop that Boss! Get over here! Shut up!" And yet despite its owners' imperative commands it continues to bark as if it doesn't even understand English. I think the first problem with this situation is that they named their dog Boss. I feel that this is symbolic. A boss is the head of group. It has the final say, the most authority. When you name your dog boss you're saying that you are no longer own the dog but the dog owns you. I enter and leave my apartment several times each day. What kind of life is it to hear an abrupt high pitched repetitive interjection of a noise, yell at the top of your lungs for it to stop, and it doesn't even listen to you. If that's man's best friend then I'd hate to encounter man's worst enemy.

My fiancee's family has a similar dog. All too similar. Every time I visit her when she's visiting them I ring the doorbell and......"Yip yap yip yip!" "Shut up!" "Yip yip yip!" "Get in your pen!" "Yip yap!" "Quiet!" "Yip!" And then finally when my fiancee answers the door its, "Sorry about that." [look of disgust on her face] "Ugh...stupid dog." And this happens every time, no exceptions. What a way to begin a visit with my future wife that I don't get to see all the time at the moment! Her mom always says, "one of these days you'll come and that dog won't be here anymore." [with a 'what a relief that will be' look] And they always offer to send it home with me whenever I leave. Does this sound like a playful, loyal companion that many want to treat as part of the family? Its bad enough to do it to babies, but at least there's a chance they may pick up on something one day. With dogs, the best you're going to get is another high pitched, "Yip!"

Another thing about this kind of dog - people react to them the same way they do with babies. What I mean is, a group can be sitting around having a semi-intellectual conversation, then the furry four-legged brick runs in. These same people who one second before may have been discussing the threat of capitalist degradation are now babbling incoherently to a thing that has no capacity to comprehend this dumbed down form of human language. Have you seen these people? The ones that baby talk to dogs? It's sickening.

Maybe I'm just a despicable person. But maybe some of you now understand why I don't like dogs that much. Like I said, not all dogs are like that, some a very good. But even the good ones seem like a nuisance to me. And for the second thing that's been burning me up........above entry